Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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