watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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