I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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