Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
