Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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