He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
