I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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