I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
