his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
