dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
organizing the empties. That sober.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
