Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
