Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
