Having a random hookup so left but love u
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
