Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
