...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
