Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My cat gives me a boner
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
