just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
