So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
