hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
