i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize