Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
