Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
