Too much gin, very little bucket
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
