He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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