Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
