What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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