Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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