My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
