also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
