Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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