And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
