Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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