He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
