Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You made out with two different species that night
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
