And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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