and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
