plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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