i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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