What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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