Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
