On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
