Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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