This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
