fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
