What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
