Rock
Scissors
Fuck
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
