K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
