I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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