how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
