whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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