Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
