I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
