My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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