I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
