I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
