Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
