I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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