I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
