What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
