We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
be right there i have to get my cape
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
