I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
