Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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