She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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