My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So vagazzling was a success
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
