FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
