I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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