guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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